A Crises of Faith .. Again

by Thom Ernst

“Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die.
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.”
… Alfred Lord Tennyson

“Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die.” What a concept! Many
Christians, I cannot say a majority nor can I say a minority for I simply do not
know. I do know there are many who subscribe to the Christian faith who also
believe that the above phrases are at the center of their relationship with God. Ours
is not to reason why. Our lot is not to question. While these believers may not go
so far as Mormons in their statement e.g. “To question is apostasy”. The fact
remains that it is not considered acceptable nor a good practice to question God. It
seems to take away from subscribing to his omniscience and omnipotence – to
lessen who He is.

I remember a number of years ago, when in a series of dilemmas that had me
questioning my faith to the point of developing stress headaches, they got so bad I
finally went to a doctor. Finding nothing physiologically wrong with me, he
prescribed seeing a counselor. At that point, despite a personal belief that good
Christians sought help and answers from God, not what I perceived as
psychobabble, I was willing to try anything for relief. After several sessions
explaining where I was in life the Counselor said: “It appears as though you’re
angry at God and reluctant to tell Him so; I rather think He can handle it!” What a
breakthrough!

And here I am again. Only this time my anger and frustration with Him is on a far
deeper level. The mother of all crises of faith!

Strip away all pretenses from our lives: job, personal securities, success,
reputation, family heritage, health, etc, etc, and we are left with the barest essence
of life – who we are. Who we are is our identity, our uniqueness, our basic sense of
self. The foundation of that sense of self is our memories. When those are slowly
eaten away via dementia or Alzheimer’s self begins to disintegrate until what is left
is nothingness. Literally nothingness. It’s probably terrifying to experience .. it’s
certainly infuriating and insidious to watch. Soon there will only be an empty
vessel. Outwardly, virtually no change but inwardly no chance.

I’m not finding “grace to help in THIS time of need” – hence the crises of faith.

TAErnst 04.06.2022