Luminarias

by Maria Hetherton


Early winter, 2020. I’d cycle most mornings past landmarks of a contentious election season. Like a cross and two jauntily tipped AR-15s embossed onto an American flag.  And across the road, a succession of placards,

Blessed are the peacemakers

                                                            For they shall be called

                                                                                                            Children of God,

swayed backwards after all of the pushing down and pulling back up.

We’d expected my brother and his family at Christmas with cautious optimism, yielding as late as possible to the reality of travel in the time of pandemic. Disappointed,

we maundered on, my husband and I, California transplants living our second year in the real winter, high desert climate of northern New Mexico.

We assembled our forty-eight inch Christmas tree; hung ornaments from Acoma pueblo; placed beneath it clay nativity figures, halos chipped amid bad antics of a cat, Joseph’s head reattached with super glue. We lined the livestock fence in front of our house with yellow lights, and tossed colored bulbs across massive mounds of sage. We leaned in to long, dark nights.

Our next-door neighbors, masked, in Santa hats, cheered us with cookies the week before Christmas. Liana, age three, held out the small tin, gift of a tiny magi.

“Your lights are amazing!” we told them.

“Yours, too!” they replied.   

Winter of 2020, everyone’s lights were amazing. It was like we lived in Whoville.  Every house in our corner of the village got lit:  lights bordering roofs, illuminated snowmen on lawns, lights strung from poles to resemble Christmas trees. Some houses adopted color schemes, blue-and-white or neon pink with turquoise. Some relied on laser projections drifting snowflakes onto house facades and horse corrals.

It was almost enough to make you forget the isolation of the past nine months, or that someone could press words of peace into a ditch at the side of the road. It recalled sad childhood holidays haunted by our father’s war trauma, front-line combat in a Belgian forest, Christmas of 1944. My brother and I would admire our neighbors’ lights, and  swear we could see a certain star.

Christmas Eve my husband and I, puffered to the max and resembling a pair of bipedal turtles, needed to walk among the lights. We passed our next-door neighbors’ house, admiring the way they’d cloaked a border of fruit trees in single colors:  magenta, blue, gold. Fairy lights sparked above a little water folly on the lawn near the street. Like every house in our neighborhood, the only cars in the driveway were their own. We heard a distant shriek of laughter from Liana. We rounded the corner, and walked until empty lots reminded us we were cold.

Heading home, we could see from the corner that our neighbors had already extinguished their lights. Had they retired for the night? It wasn’t that late.

Odd.

So odd.

And then.

We understood that lapsed dimensions are real, that your ambulations might breach both space and time. Luminarias—iconic of Christmas in New Mexico—replaced strings of festive lights. A good  hundred of them, fifty to a side, winding a path from gate to front door. They must have had each paper bag filled with sand and ready to go. Lit the votives inside them as we walked.

The house was dark. Silent. We clutched the gate’s tracery, gaping. Nothing glows like luminarias in the invariant gray of a New Mexico winter with its clear-keening cold, centuries-old churches fashioned from clay, the sacred scent of smoke from piñon fires. We forgot we were cold.

“Prepare a pathway in the desert,” proclaimed the prophet’s ancient words. In the depth of dark winter, we found it. We could not leave until we swore we’d seen the footprints of the humble, holy guest.


Maria Hetherton is writing after many years teaching language arts and religious studies. She holds a graduate degree in folklore from Indiana University and is an MFA student at Lindenwood University. She lives in New Mexico with her husband and a pair of feral yet cozy house cats.

Both Perhaps Present in Time Future

by Ken Hogarty

           
The first of T.S. Eliot’s “Four Quartets” begins thus: “Time present and time past are both perhaps present in time future, and time future contained in time past.”

           These four quartets mark life stages of Tom and Jude, identical twins:

#1

           “Life’s incredible, Tom,” enthuses Jude, as if seeing his world for the first time. “Everything’s a wonder.”

           “Get real, baby bro’,” Tom smirks, quickening his cadence and discovering power in expressing contrary thoughts. “When awake, I’m bored.”

           The assertion rocks Jude. “Bored?” he bellows, loud enough to set off a tsunami.

           “You call this life?” Tom challenges.

           “Whiner baby,” Jude haltingly taunts. “Could it be any better?  Everything’s about us. We get our kicks every day. Open your eyes.”

           “Maybe I should go away,” Tom shrugs.

           This gives Jude pause. Yes, he continually tries to squelch his twin’s carping and moaning, but if Tom’s badly hurting, he’s hurting. “To where? To do what? Why? The future’s brighter every day. We get fed. Mom takes care of us. And, we don’t have to do a thing,” Jude tries to eye Tom down.

           But Tom closes his. “Whatever. Still think you’re soft in the head, Mr. Pollyanna.

           “Look who’s talking, hard head. It’s as if your heart ossified with your bones. All the constant complaining sickens me. Probably Mom gets sick to her stomach too.”

           “Maybe I should end it? Just cut the cord.”

           “You kidding? Life’s precious. Don’t be a thoughtless pessimist.”

           “Strong reaction, bro’. You fear I’d take you down with me? We’re bound together for life. Or stuck together. And, as I tell you all the time, despite what you want to believe, that’s all there is.”

           “Thank goodness we think and feel differently,” Jude chides.

           “Thank my badness,” Tom retorts. “Bad to the bone.”

#2

            You learn more as you live more. I’m in Plato’s Cave, where all is shadow, and nobody sees the light. Especially Jude. I love him to death. Crap, I’m dependent on him still.

            And, yes, the little prick’s dependent on me too, though he shits when I tell him so. Psychically, if not physically.

            Still, I call him cheesy and thin-skinned and my annoying shadow, but I can’t help feeling something for him.

            He’s been totally insufferable, however, since he started totally believing in an afterlife. Proselytizing about it. Can you imagine? Wishful thinking idiot. I tell him to open his eyes.

           I could never believe like him. Life is what it is, and I see it plainly. I think that shit-eating grin of his, that charm, that love he continually seeks, is all a cover for his fear of death, of losing the life he thinks is so good. He must get that from Mom.           

            “Look around you,” I’d shout at him if I had bigger balls. “Let’s face it, bro’. We live and we die, and that’s it.” Our human non-conditional condition.

           But I don’t want to upset Mom, even as I yearn to be off on my own. So, I roll with his views as best I can.

#3

            I knew from the start life would be tough for Tom. He’s always fighting life, doubting everything, even when seemingly floating through it. I, on the other hand, stay positive. Partly to please Mom. And myself too. And to anticipate a future where every day has the possibility of Easter Sunday.

           Tom’s self-absorbed. And physically getting bigger all the time, sometimes at an alarming rate. Food, conversation, or otherwise, I often need to fight for my share where he’s concerned. Selfish? Typical older brother? You decide. He still, if you believe it, head butts me at times. Shows affection, doesn’t it?

           I’ve had doubts, but I believe more than ever in an afterlife. The belief isn’t just to soothe my soul, as Tom infers. I believe.

           “Has your brain not developed?” skeptical Tom shrieks. “There’s no proof.”

            There is faith. And hope. Not wishing, which is a shot in the dark, but hope — implying a trusting attitude that births realistic faith.

            “There has to be an afterlife,” I tell Tom confidently. “This life is great, but someone or something created it, and passed on its many gifts to us: Choice and intelligence and emotion and love and passion and empathy and family and beauty and life itself. It would be a miscarriage of justice to snuff it out without something beyond. My creator is an entity like Mom. Gives, but doesn’t take away.”

            I’m still too intimidated to tell him my other rationale for belief. More open to the universe as I mature and grow, I hear singing, and laughter, and rumblings, and words – from male and female voices – beyond. I bet Tom does too, even though he closes his ears.

           He also always looks down, missing the light becoming more and more apparent. There just has got to be another world beyond ours. The idea that there’s not practically scares the life out of Tom, though he’s too proud to admit it.

#4

            The twins stay in character as the end nears.

            Tom fears entering a void, terrified it will exacerbate the same nothingness he fears his life has been — empty and alone, as if Jude, for one, didn’t exist.

            Jude, awash in the peacefulness that daily quickens his heart and soul, feels no fear. Life has been good, even when responding to his brother’s cries from the depths, even as his brother’s position in the world crowded out his own space.

            As if pre-ordained, Tom, kicking and screaming, first departs the world the twins have known.

            Without time to mourn, Jude dutifully, responsibly, confidently, follows.

            Screaming, Tom’s cries echo back through the chambers of life: “We are dying.”

            “We are living,” Jude, following, cries, greeting our world as he passes through Mom’s birth passage.

***

            The receiving doctor congratulates Mom and Dad on the birth of Tom and Jude.


Ken Hogarty was an English teacher and Principal at Sacred Heart Cathedral in San Francisco. Since retiring, he’s had several writings published. This fable’s incubation came from a homily from Father Dane Radecki decades ago, though Father Declan Dean, an incredible Irish story-teller, was Ken and his wife Sally’s favorite homilist.

At the Shore of the Red Sea


by Luke Krueger


Dramatis Personae:

Elihu, male: dubious of Moses’ plan.

Miriam, female: Moses’ sister who trusts in his seeming to lack a plan.

Place: At the shore of the Red Sea


This play was commissioned by St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in DeKalb, Illinois in 2015 and performed as part of the Holy Week Service.

Miriam was played by Madeline Lyons.

Elihu was played by Ryan Massie.

Production note: For the performance large swaths of shiny blue cloth were placed in the main aisle. When the sea begins to rumble, the children of the congregation made the material undulate like waves. Upon the sea opening they made walls of blue alongside the aisle. Miriam and Elihu exited down this path, and they encouraged others of the congregation to follow them through the sea, so to speak.


Miriam and another Israelite, Elihu, are at the front of the congregation, in front of the alter. Miriam is writing calmly. Elihu paces, fretting. Miriam seems un-phased, calm, a contrast to her companion.

                                    MIRIAM

What’d he say to you?

                                    ELIHU

“You only have to keep still.”

                                    MIRIAM

So…? Listen. Stay still. You’re getting me worked up.

                                    ELIHU

Can you believe that though? Keep still? Keep still? Don’t really have much of a choice. There’s a big swath of water in front of me, and Pharaoh’s army behind me. Keep still…that’s great advice. What a great leader. Know what I think? I think he doesn’t have clue what to do, and all he can say is, “Keep still.”  What a yutz. Bunch of desperate twaddle if you ask me.

                                    MIRIAM

Was that all he said, “Keep still?”

                                    ELIHU

He said something else about “Do not be afraid and stand firm” and then some nonsense that the Lord will deliver us. That we’ll be astonished by what the Lord will accomplish for us today. And I was like, “Moses, do you see that huge cloud of dust beyond the horizon? That’s Pharaoh and his army with spears, and chariots, and swords. And what have we got? Zilch! Bupkis!”

                                    MIRIAM

Did you really say that to him?

                                    ELIHU

(Beat) No. But I wanted to. I should’ve. You know what one guy said though, and I was like, “This guy gets it.” He says to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to the wilderness to die?” That was some serious chutzpah.

                                    MIRIAM

That was kind of snarky.

                                    ELIHU

Snarky? No, I was like, “Preach, brother!”

                                    MIRIAM

It was uncalled for.

                                    ELIHU

Uncalled for? It was the truth. You wanna know what was uncalled for, dragging us out here with no plan. I mean it all sounds great: “Turn the Nile into blood, frogs dropping from the sky, flies swarming, animals dying, and so on, and then that grand, ‘Let my people go’ pronouncement.” Sure, that all sounds great, but I mean, at any point did Moses forget the fact that if all that worked; and we are released from our bondage; and set free from Egypt: We’re still in the middle of a desert!

                                    MIRIAM

Aren’t you just a pleasant ray of sunshine. (Beat) If you’re not happy here, you don’t trust in Moses, well, you know where to find Pharaoh’s army. Go see if he’ll take you back. I’m sure he’ll be in a forgiving mood after that whole, death of the first-born male in every household thing.

                                    ELIHU

I’m sorry. I know Aaron and Moses are your brothers. I’m just, I’m a little dubious. Moses just doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing. After we voiced our concerns, do you know what he did? Walked off and prayed. Said he needed to talk to God. I don’t know about you, but I don’t see any burning bushes anywhere, so I don’t know where he’s gonna find God around here. (Beat) What are you doing?

                                    MIRIAM

Writing a song.

                                    ELIHU

That’s nice…and completely inappropriate.

                                    MIRIAM

Oh, come on!

                                    ELIHU

We have the biggest army in the world bearing down on us, and you’re writing a song?

                                    MIRIAM

Wanna hear it?

                                    ELIHU

(Mocking) Wanna hear it? No, I don’t wanna hear it. You know what I want? I want to not die. (Short pause) How can you be so calm?

                                    MIRIAM

Because I trust in the Lord and my brother.

                                    ELIHU

You trust in the Lord and your brother. Well, shut the front door!

                                    MIRIAM

Shut the front door is right. Because we did, and we painted lamb’s blood on that door. And the Angel of Death passed over us. All this time, all these things, the river of blood, the frogs, the insects, none of that resonated with you?

                                    ELIHU

(Beat) I confess, I was somewhat impressed. (Looking off) Look at your brother. What is he doing now?

                                    MIRIAM

And you haven’t noticed that since we’ve been talking, a giant cloud has rolled in and been placed between us and Pharaoh’s army?

                                    ELIHU

(Still looking off, not hearing her) He’s standing there with his staff in hand, arms raised, just looking at the sea. What’s he thinking? He’s just gonna open up the sea? Now look at him. (Yelling off) Oh, yeah, Moses, I’m sure just waving your hand over the sea is going to make it just split open.

The sea opens up. Elihu is flabbergasted.

                                   MIRIAM

Did my brother say anything else to you?

                                   ELIHU

(Astonished) “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still.”

                                   MIRIAM

So are you going to stand there gawking, or are you going to wade into the path God has cleared for us.

                                    ELIHU

You first.

                                    MIRIAM

You still don’t believe.

                                    ELIHU

Miriam, I’m a pragmatist. I believe by some miracle the sea has parted, but what’s to say Pharaoh won’t be able to pursue us through this path?

                                    MIRIAM

“I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously; horse and rider he has thrown into the sea.”

                                    ELIHU

What’s that?

                                    MIRIAM

The song I was writing. He hasn’t taken us this far to let us perish. (Beat. Elihu looks down the aisle, the open path of the sea.) Age before beauty. (Elihu is hesitant.) We are no longer to keep still. Go!

They both exit down the aisle.

Curtain


Luke is an active member of the Episcopal Church in Vermont where he serves in a number of roles at the parish (vestry), diocesan (chair of the Missional Vitality task force), and national (alternate delegate for the House of Deputies at the General Convention) levels. Additionally, in service to the church, Luke serves on the board of the Brookhaven Treatment and Learning Center. He is currently in the process of heeding the call to serve as a priest in the Episcopal Church.

Luke lives in Manchester, Vermont with his wife and two daughters. He teaches English at Arlington Memorial High School, where Norman Rockwell’s children attended school. Though a playwright, Luke’s poem “A God Joke” was published by the Purpled Nail.

Gospel Fish

by Garry Breland


He worked so hard to select his rod
Then the line of proper weight and taper
Knotted to backing and wound onto the reel
To be finished with leader and tippet
For the finest presentation.
With greatest care to entomology
He matched the hatch with hand-tied
Caddis, coachman, stonefly, or midge.
And his cast was elegant of loop and lay
The fly resting light as a feather
Upon the surface film, and then
The retrieve—masterful to entice—
While we watched without a rise.
Rank on rank and row on row,
Pew by pew our upturned faces
Fooled the fisherman, for we were there
Not to feed but to see the show.
An hour a week we masquerade as trout,
But really we are just suckers.


Garry Breland lives in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, where he recently retired (mostly) from a 38-year career in higher education. Now he has more time for writing and freelance editing. His wife is an English professor and also his best friend and muse for much of his poetry.

One of the Last Strolls North

by Iván Brave


Teresa burst out of the tattoo parlor, half her chest in bandages.

Middle of a day, middle of the week. And Teresa dropped by an ice cream parlor, to get her favorite. Pecan. They only had vanilla bean, though, her second favorite. The young man behind the glass, with too many pimples and an overbite, avoided her gaze, as he plopped the scoops for Teresa.

“You’ve never seen a cancer patient before?”

The boy grimaced. “That’ll be 6 dollars.”

“I ordered three scoops, not two.”

“9 dollars, please.”

He acts as if he were dying, thought Teresa. She threw herself out.

Her heart was slamming against the cotton bandage. Her fresh tattoo. Not even finishing the vanilla bean, passing a public hospital on 2nd, Teresa hurled her cone at the tall building, flung that ice cream high. But her arm was weak, so it did not hit the window she had aimed for. Instead, splattering in the parking lot, somewhere past the wall. But without a sound, causing a sense of disappointment and vague anguish to course through Teresa.

“Get home, take my meds, pass out. Get home, take my meds, pass out.” Teresa was talking to herself now. “Home, meds, pass out.” And after 11 years in New York, including 4 of college, she finally felt a part of the city now, just the part that is always dying. Making way for the new. All these strangers.

When Teresa awoke, the stickiness of not knowing what day it was crawled out of her throat and into her eyes, which she rubbed, before removing the bandage to see the art over her mastectomy.

The bandage burbled to tear from the skin, snatching bits of scab and a husk of dry blood as it lifted. There. Fleshy, inky, but arresting. Her first tattoo, her I-miss-you, over the scarred and empty left side of her chest. A quote from her late fiancé, penned on a scroll, under an eagle.

Wash it with soap, she remembered. Tears flowing. A smile in bloom.


Iván Brave lives and works in his hometown of Houston, Texas, where he begins his PhD in Spanish Creative Writing this fall. The themes dear to him are youth, pop music, and the artist struggle. Notably, he does not have any tattoos. Learn more at www.ivanbrave.com.

Gift

by Diane Elayne Dees


Thunder all night,
trees heavy with relentless rain
crashing into transformers—
no sun, no light,
no joy, no sleep,
but then: a green
dragonfly on an
orange lily.


Diane Elayne Dees lives in Covington, Louisiana, just across Lake Pontchartrain from New Orleans. In addition to writing poetry, fiction and creative nonfiction, Diane publishes Women Who Serve, a blog that delivers news and commentary on women’s professional tennis throughout the world.

“Jupiter’s Song,” “Sometimes God Speaks to Me,” and “Pachydermia” by Emily Vieweg


Jupiter’s Song

Dear Ones,

I have become what I wished.
I have become the rain
the ocean the sky and
the wind.

I brush past your cheek
and muss your hair
just after you have fixed it.

I am the hurricane
flooding environments with
knowledge and equipment
central to all-knowing.

I am the rain.
I made it.

Cry for the pain, but please,
not for the loss, for I have become
one with The Creator and
we argue over the
smallest ordeals.

Be at peace, friends,
for you will see me –

in every raindrop
and every mid-winter snowflake

my blizzard will coat your heart
in love and life and remember,
compacted snow
brings shelter
and warmth.

I am the rain.
I made it.

So smile as you remember my spirit,
my soul is resting in unity
with nature.

I made it.

Do not follow me, dear ones –
You have more to do there.
I can handle this end of things.

Oh, guess what?

Children love to splash in my puddles
and jump into my snowbanks
and surf on my waves where they
smile and rejoice because

I am the rain.
I made it.

I am surrounded by the wind
and the sky and nature’s secrets
I wish I could share

Feel the breeze,
taste the air,

I am with you.

I am the rain.


Sometimes God Speaks to Me

Not Joan of Arc,
but the flames.


Pachydermia

I wonder if elephants really have
an amazing memory, or if their
matriarch has just been doing the job
for so long, she knows exactly where
the necessities are hiding.

Graceful giants roam the deserts
and jungles,
majesties of their beings –

we should pay more attention to
these professors of life
following an established path
left by ancestresses

still, among us are rogues
who dare to follow Frost instead,
because sometimes the only reason a path
was less traveled
is because no one
dared to peek.


Emily Vieweg is a poet originally from St. Louis, Missouri. Her debut full length poetry collection “but the flames” is available through Finishing Line Press. Emily’s work has been published in Soundings Review, Art Young’s Good Morning, Proximity Magazine, Indolent Books “What Rough Beast,” and more. She lives in Fargo, North Dakota where she is a mother of two, pet parent, and university program assistant.

Real Presence

by Barry Casey


“In the beginning,” said the Word.
And it was good. Later, we understood.

The world is constant creation,
one luminous drop after another.

The beginnings coalesce, adhere,
elongate, divide, mound roundly.

They meld into one another,
slide aside, strewn in wondrous confusion.

A child stretches to catch a drop
of Beginning, fresh in the moment.

This will be her memory. It will
glisten, evolve, luminesce in time.

She will remember it most clearly
at her end, like a benediction.


Barry Casey believes that faith and doubt combine with mystery for a working life-map. He is a Christian influenced by Taoism. He taught philosophy, ethics, and communications for thirty-seven years. He is retired from teaching and writes and edits full time.

Bandit

by Sarah Holly Bryant


I have always known
the worth of Bandit
I have always known
his loss would be profound
I have always known
we were one
he calmed my restless spirit
he chased away what I could not
he heard what I could not
he guarded me when I needed guarding
he was a true Lhasa
the ancient guardian
whose spirit has reunited with
his ancestors some 4,000 years ago


Sarah Holly Bryant lives in Vermont with her husband and two dogs. She’s an MFA student at Bennington College and loves to hike, fly fish and talk about the merits of New Jersey.

Christmas Day

by Jack Eisenman

They say he’s king
Born of royal blood.
Heir to a throne
Unclaimed.
From heaven he comes
With winged hosts
And shouts of joy.
This monarch, they say,
Rescues captives,
Sets free the chained
To live unfettered.
Creator and sustainer.
God, they say.
Alpha and Omega.

But today, he’s a babe
Wrapped in a blanket,
Cradled in his mother’s arms.


Jack Eisenman is Professor Emeritus of Education and Religion at Palm Beach Atlantic University. He has written poetry since the early 1960’s. Jack enjoys creating poems of a religious/spiritual theme.

1952

by Scott G. Harvey

Creating pre-recorded lectures had become second nature to me, as the global pandemic raged into its ninth month. It felt all too normal to be dressed in sweatpants and a soup-stained hoodie sitting all alone in the basement speaking into a USB microphone. A cognitive leap had to be made to grasp that hundreds of students would ultimately hear the hopefully eloquent and informed utterances streaming from my mouth and into the empty room. Most would undoubtedly fast forward, tune out, or skip the lecture all together, but I still felt a sense of deep responsibility to instill some element of scientific literacy into the minds of college students who would one day govern me, teach my children, and/or sell me tacos.
The day’s lesson was focused on psychological research methods, and in particular, differentiating between anecdotal and empirical evidence. I sincerely hoped to challenge, and maybe even offend, my psychic believing, ghost fearing, god loving students with well-reasoned arguments regarding the unrivaled supremacy of the scientific enterprise and the nature of systematically-gathered, unbiased, replicable evidence. It was for these reasons that I was deeply unsettled, yet perversely comforted, when I did a simple mathematical calculation later that afternoon.
In a feeble attempt to add meaning to my life, and someday outlive my corporeal form, a few years back I’d commenced writing a novel. The recently completed and released book had been met with tepid reception at best, yet I was nonetheless proud of my creation. In an effort to spread word of my book baby, I had been running a 5-day free download promo of the eBook. Being new to the publishing world, I had no idea how many people, if any, would download my humble work. That afternoon, after teaching the dust bunnies in my basement about scientific reasoning, I added up the daily totals and was pleasantly surprised to see that the book had been downloaded one thousand nine hundred and fifty-two times. I was satisfied and hopeful that this newfound exposure would plant seeds that would permit my literary creation to spread far and wide.
The book had been dedicated to my father who had passed away exactly one month earlier after a 29 ½ year battle with multiple myeloma. My dad was a loving, intelligent, and wonderful man who fought long and hard for his family. A former physician, he was also an incredibly intelligent person and the most rational and logical guy you could ever hope to meet. He was the first person to read my completed manuscript in its entirety and was proud, and likely amazed, that this child of his, who used to begrudgingly do his homework, had now written a novel just for fun. Although long anticipated, my father’s death took an emotional toll on myself and our family. My wife was pleasantly surprised, and slightly unsettled, to find her typically anti-social and emotionally numb spouse teary eyed most days.
It was while walking my dog through the brisk December air later that afternoon that it struck me. One thousand nine hundred and fifty-two. 1952. The year of my father’s birth. Of all of the numbers that the downloads of my book could’ve accumulated to, it had to be this one. Having inherited my father’s skeptical disposition, I wanted to chalk it up to random chance, a selective abstraction, or some other biased cognitive grasp for meaning. On the other hand, a small part of me liked imagining, if only for a few moments with the cool breeze caressing my face, that my dad had found a way to signal to me from the other side. That there indeed was another side to speak of. And that he was okay. I was left with a profound sense of comfort at the beautiful absurdity of existence. Everything was as it was meant to be.
It wasn’t long before I chastised myself for entertaining thoughts based upon such anecdotal premises and was soon amazed at the clever neural firing of my left prefrontal cortex with its insatiable need to make sense of the cosmos.

SCOTT G. HARVEY teaches psychology at SUNY Buffalo State and resides in the Niagara Region of Ontario with an ever-changing mixture of humans, cats, dogs, and chickens. He is the author of the philosophically-infused bildungsroman Savagely Noble. His short-fiction has appeared in Short Story Avenue.

Shower Window

by Savannah Voth


See the world
encapsulated in a foggy rectangle: a green leaf
spotted with sky blue
or a blue leaf spotted
with the various green shades
of trees, bushes, shrubs,
shifting slightly in the breeze.
Roses bursting out, here and there,
pea flowers peeking from
behind the bean leaves,
winks of pink in a green sea.
As the mist on the glass
increases and drops begin
to roll down, it is finally clear to me
the pointillism of it all. A trembling
in blue and yellow, red and green,
like something Seurat might see
from his own shower window.
Vibrant vibrations, vast harmonies,
the overwhelming sense that
everything has a point,
polka dots dancing, part and particle
and petiole
of an immense organism.


Savannah Voth is a high school senior from California who loves to write and create art in many different forms.

Summer

August 15, 2021                              Volume 6: Issue 2


We are deep into the Summer doldrums here in Arizona. Everything slows down and we move slower as well. And yet, if we look around the world and to Washington, everything seems to be speeding up as we race toward the events of Revelation.

Stay tuned.

The Purple Heart


by Gavin Boyter


“Break-time’s over lads!  Come on Godfrey, put that out, you goddamn goldbricker!”

The way he conducted himself, you’d think work detail leader Brad Knight was a platoon sergeant in a WWII movie.  Will Godfrey stubbed his cigarette into a nearby glob of something disgusting and stuffed the cotton wool balls back up his nose.  Two more days of this and he’d finally be free from the dumb sentence the judge had ordered for Will’s latest heinous crime.  When the gavel had gone down in court three months ago, Will found himself laughing at the judge’s order: a $1000 fine and twelve weekends of working for the department of sanitation, all for emptying out a deep fat fryer into a public drain behind the restaurant where he worked as a pot-washer.  Admittedly he’d argued with a cop about it and called him a “fat fucker” and, fair enough, Will had a colourful rap sheet including brawling, breaking and entering and stealing a pretzel wagon (drunken teenage hi-jinks), but twelve weeks in a sewer, battling “fatbergs” and solidified drifts of toilet tissue, human excrement and hair was excessive.  Godfrey considered appealing the ruling, but his attorney advised against it.  In fact, he’d practically forbidden it: “Just do your service, pay your fine and put this behind you.” 

Good advice, for sure, but Will would love to see the judge down here in the horrific old Chicago sewer, prising used tampons and diapers out of a wall of yellow fat.  Will had spent the first three days gagging and being sick.  He had learned not to eat before noon.

As he set to work with his protective gear, high-pressure hose and “harpoon”, as he called the metal tool used to scrape free persistent agglomerations, Will was literally counting the hours.  He hardly spoke to any of his fellow sewage workers, around half of them recidivists like himself.  He just got on with the task in hand and showered for at least thirty minutes at the end of each day. 

“Let’s get this little honeypot broken up and go home, boys!” shouted Mr Knight, attempting camaraderie.

‘This little honeypot’ was a fatberg big enough to earn its own postal code.  Will was hard at work, spraying it with a solvent that dissipated the fat, then prising chunks free.  He was at the head of the line, on the far side of a brick bulwark, away from the others.  Abruptly he lowered his hose, having seen something sparkle amongst the gristly grey berg.  Will reached out to prise it free.  It looked metallic.  He managed to hook a piece of coloured fabric attached to it. 

“Fuck me!” he felt the need to exclaim.  He held in his gloved hand a surprisingly well-preserved Purple Heart, the unmistakable profile of George Washington standing out against the dark background.  Quickly remembering what kind of individual he spent his days with, Will shoved the medal into the pocket of his jumpsuit and got on with his work, heart thumping.

The following Monday, as he sat in the public library going through the job advertisements, planning for his fat-free future, Will took the purple heart out of his pocket.  On its reverse was an engraving motto: “For Military Merit” and then, in a different typeface: Harold D. Buckley.  Having a curious nature (part of the reason for his extensive rap sheet; Will couldn’t resist letting himself in through open windows) Will Googled the name. 

There it was, in a list of awarded WWII servicemen.  Buckley had been awarded the Purple Heart for his role in the 1945 Battle of Corregidor, in which US troops had retaken the island from the Japanese.  He’d led a group of men who’d attacked a Japanese gun emplacement shelling the island’s military hospital.  For his efforts, Buckley ended up in that self-same hospital, and had to have his left leg amputated, but the battle was won.

Learning this, Will felt a pang of guilt.  He’d already searched several online auction sites and militaria suppliers, for the resale value of the medal, and had been disappointed to discover he’d be lucky to get $40 for it.  Over a million were issued during the second world war.  Not only would it be far from profitable to sell the medal, Will realised that, given that it had been engraved and he knew who it belonged to, it would be wrong to do so.  His natural inquisitiveness and a new sensation he supposed was honour led Will to a firm conclusion – he would give the medal back.

It took just one more hour of online database research for Will to unearth the address of Buckley’s widow, who could be found in assisted living accommodation in Lafayette, Indianapolis.  Just a three-and-a-half-hour journey on two Greyhounds; practically next door.  Let’s face it, what else did he have to do?

The next day, Buckley was in Lafayette, wandering up and down South Street, trying to locate the Seven Elms Retirement Village.  He found it up a shady, tree-lined lane.  Number 47 was a cute bungalow with a porch and wheelchair ramp zig-zagging up to the front door.  It took three insistent knocks before a hunched figure appeared behind the screen door, clutching a walking frame.

“Mrs Ida Buckley?” Will asked, half expecting a shake of the head and to have the door slammed in in his face.  Instead, the sprightly nonagenarian invited him in for cookies and home-made lemonade.  Will began to suspect Ida had mistaken him for her home help, but at least it got him in the door.

When he explained himself and presented her with the Purple Heart that had belonged to her long-deceased husband, Ida’s face did not break into the radiant glow Will had imagined on the coach ride from the windy city.  Instead she scowled, her liver-spotted and gnarled hand batting Will’s away.

“I threw that away for a reason.  Don’t want the darn thing back.”

It transpired that Ida had attended a special celebration event for war widows in Chicago in 2015, to mark the sixtieth anniversary of the Far Eastern campaign.  There she’d been shocked to meet a woman called Annabelle Nguyen, apparently her late husband’s daughter by a woman called Rose he’d met in Manila during his six-month recuperation in 1945.  For all his heroism, Buckley had fallen in love with his nurse, led a secret life, fathered a child, and Ida had known nothing about it.  That night, in her hotel, she’d wept for the first time in years, and had flushed the medal down the lavatory, pushing it around the U-bend with her walking stick.

Two hours later, Will sat in a local bar, downing his fifth Bud and wondering if the awful country covers band would stop murdering Waylon Jennings songs anytime soon.  It took another couple of beers before they did.  Nothing had gone according to plan and Will felt more than a little foolish.  Didn’t anyone want to be reminded of Serviceman Harold D. Buckley’s sacrifice?

Will was probably still a little drunk the following morning as he sat in an internet café and bought himself a return ticket to Manila, all but draining his bank account in so doing.  He’d never previously journeyed further than Florida, and here he was going eight thousand miles on a probable wild goose chase.  Still, it wasn’t as if Will had a busy social calendar ahead of him.  Why not have an adventure?  Will obtained the necessary documents and shots, packed a raggedy suitcase and was an All Nippon Airways flight to the Philippines three days later. 

Arriving at Ninoy Aquino International Airport on 31st June, Will was assaulted by a wall of moist heat.  Taxi drivers jostled for his business, but he waved them away and grabbed a tuktuk to his mid-priced hotel in Makati, one he couldn’t really afford but had chosen very carefully, nevertheless.  Will didn’t draw attention to himself on arrival, just crashed onto his bed with the air-con on full.  Chicagoans aren’t made for mid-thirties humidity.  It would take Will several days to adjust to everything about this chaotic, fragrant and beautiful country.  He walked the lively streets, jogged along the baywalk, visited Fort Santiago and some of the war memorials, drank sickly cocktails, bided his time.

Four days later, what Will had been waiting for finally occurred.  A woman came into the hotel lobby where Will was sipping a coffee and pretending to read a three-day old New York Times.  The woman was extraordinarily petite, not quite five feet tall, in her mid-twenties and wore wide-rimmed glasses that gave her pretty face an owlish cast. She began to tend to the plants in the lobby, removing dead leaves, spraying insecticide, watering everything.  Will surreptitiously watched her, sliding along the banquette seating to allow her access to a bold display of orchids.  As she was completing her rounds and packing away her equipment, Will lowered his paper.

“Cherry Nguyen?”

The woman’s response was almost comic – she jumped back, pushing her glasses up her nose and looking panic-stricken.

“No, no,” will said quickly.  “I’m a friend.  Well, I come in peace.  I mean… sorry, this is stupid.  I have something for you.  Something from your grandfather.  Look.”

Flustered, blushing unexpectedly, Will handed over the presentation box he’d sourced online.  Christ, this was ridiculous.  What was he trying to prove, and why had he sprung it on her like that?

Cherry took the gift with a perplexed smile and opened it, sitting down edge of a large circular planter.  Inside, of course, was the Purple Heart, newly polished.  Will had had plenty of time to work on its restoration, unpicking the seam on the ribbon so it could be separately dry-cleaned, then stitching it back together.  When Cherry turned the medal over, she gasped audibly, and then she did something that helped Will understand that nothing he’d done in the last ten days had been stupid.  She smiled, an expression of surprise and joy that filled Will with something he’d not felt for months – uncomplicated happiness. 

“Amazing!”, Cherry said, “Thank you so much.  But… how?”

Will bade Cherry join him at his table, ordered them two cool drinks and told her his story, leaving nothing out, not even his crimes. 

“I’m Will Godley,” he began “and I have made many mistakes.” 


Gavin is a Scottish writer and filmmaker living in London. He has published two travel memoirs about running ludicrously long distances, Downhill from Here and Running the Orient. The latter charts his 2300 mile run from Paris to Istanbul, following the 1883 route of the Orient Express.

Omelet


by Matthew Andrews


It’s been written that stones will cry out
to God in the absence of hallelujahs.

What a strange idea: not that stones
could ever be compelled to speech,

but that there is any silence to be found.
On this morning, one like any other,

the harvest of good soil – the parsley,
the tarragon, the chives – and the bacon,

that unclean animal baptized to saltiness,
mix together with the eggs, all transfigured

into a pillowy communion of sunshine,
and I am almost deafened by their praise,

almost driven to tears that any stone-sunk
heart could be deaf to these cries of worship.


Matthew J. Andrews is a private investigator and writer who lives in Modesto, California. His work examines the intersection of the spiritual and the secular, the wrestling match between belief and doubt, and the complications of an ancient faith in a modern world. He can be contacted at matthewjandrews.com.